Tuesday, August 27, 2013

21 Elul: Change

And see whether there is any vexatious way about me, and lead me in the way of the world.
Search me out, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  -
Tehillim (Psalms) Chapter 139


This writing prompt is one of #blogElul,  set up by Ima on the Bima.  

I'm not good with change.  I let myself fall into a comfortable little rut, and if anything threatens it, I feel my body tense up.  Take, for example, my being unemployed.  The thought of actually leaving the house, my piles of laundry and dishes, freaks me out a little.  

I can't imagine why.  It isn't like I adore doing laundry or emptying the dishwasher.  I guess it boils down to a deeper fear of the unknown.  

In mountain biking, you can ride along a trail, and see what is ahead of you.  If the trail drops suddenly, it is actually good practice to check things out and look for the best line through.  Some people can adjust on the go, keep their weight where it needs to be on the bike...I take less risks that way.  

Oddly enough, I also kind of feel that fear when it comes to improving myself.  Who doesn't want to be a better person?  Of course I do.  These thoughts pop into my head...what if people start to expect more of me and I can't meet follow through?  What if I fail (or fall)?  

I remind myself that it is one day at a time, and one step at a time.  It's ok to make mistakes, and it's ok for people to expect more.  If I am never challenged, I will never improve.  Or change.  

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